60 Days in Bali, by Akerz

After recovering from an early mid-life crisis at 30, I felt the time was ripe for a break from normal life. So here I am, alone on a journey of discovery in the island of the Gods. Below are my mediocre memoirs.

Days: 21 - current, 11 - 20 & 1 - 10.

Day 10 - Friday 27th June 08 (Kuta/Legian)

Nothing really worth writing about. Another day, another 9,100 rp.

Spent the morning in the Hotel's restaurant working, then midday in another cafe working. Had an awesome garlic and mushroom pizza in a cool little restaurant for $2. Went out later on to watch the Eagles get flogged again. Meh.

Everyone knows my face in Kuta now and I've earned so much respect that they refer to me as their Sargent. Everywhere I go, I here "Hallo ma Sarge, Hallo ma Sarge". I think the Balinese word for Sargent is Rijuana cause I also here a lot of "Hallo ma Rijuana".

Can't believe how crap that joke was. Also can't believe I've been here 10 days already. Also can't believe there is a death sentence for drug trafficking when you can't walk 10 metres without being offered a substance of some kind. The only hash I use is on my phone, the only Coke I consume is diet and the only mushrooms... well, they were nice on my pizza earlier but I wouldn't say it was magical.

My sister is booked in to come over for about 3 weeks next month. Woohoo, party on.

I have random photos to add but the card reader on the laptop is rather temperamental and won't let me so I'll have to get a cable or external card reader.

Day 9 - Thursday 26th June 08 (Kuta/Legian)

Rough night trying to rest. After watching half of Sweeney Todd, I dozed off before midnight. Not sure what kept waking me... perhaps the audacious mosquito that bit me on the face or the noise from the street or just the humidity (no a/c here, just a ceiling fan). I slept past my alarm, not feeling any way inclined to get up at sunrise for a jog. Still have my sinuses clogged somewhat but at least the colour from my mucus has gone. I can't remember whether you are supposed to feed a cold, starve it or drown it. I grabbed my breakfast coupon from reception and popped into the restaurant to feed my cold silly but I discovered that my breaky included no buffet, just 2 pieces of toast, a glass of juice and a coffee. I was expecting more but that was it! That was my free breakfast! Before I booked this place, I did ask if the breakfast was any good and all they said was yah, in the restaurant. I'd walked passed the restaurant plenty of times and thought it looked nice but really, 2 pieces of toast doesn't constitute breaky in my mind.

I felt like crap still so I read for a while and then fell asleep even though there was kids outside screaming around the pool. I remember having a dream and in it somebody asked what I was doing... which is when my conscious mind kicked in and I answered 'wasting my life' as I jumped out of bed and into the shower.

I still haven't bought or hired a motor bike just yet. I'm still hesitant on driving on these crazy roads and don't think I have had enough exercise to deserve it yet. Off walkies again. I needed the net & some food so I went and found some free wifi at a restaurant.

I planned to join the Hammerhead Gym down towards Seminyak but by the time I'd found it, I felt like I'd just walked 500 miles and had no use for a gym. At least now I know where it is, I'll check out the other one in Legian first before joining either.

Am sick of not having the net at my fingertips so the next on my list of to-dos was to get some proper wireless roaming broadband internet! I had looked up a few alternatives but decided I'd give XL a go since my phone is with them now. I gave up trying to find their head office on foot so I grabbed a taxi who drove me about 500 metres. Staff at XL were helpfull but they didn't sell the modems their network needed and so they sent me into Denpasar to get one. Back in the taxi and into Denpasar, I found what I was looking for... wireless next G modem. Then back in the taxi to the XL Centre where I signed up. Had my laptop with me so they helped me get it all working. Took a bit of messing around and a few million rp but unless they have network problems, I should have high speed internet anywhere I go now. I won't have to worry about using internet cafes, hotel lobbys or wifi restaurants etc. This should function pretty much everywhere on the whole Island and allow me to get some decent work done.

While I still had a taxi at my disposal, I asked him to take me to the Canggu Club which is where I heard the Bali Geckos train every Thursday night. Turns out they've changed it to Wednesday nights but as with the gym, at least I know where it is now.

I think for the first time I've been here, I didn't eat out at a restaurant for dinner. Instead I just got a loaf of green bread, some garlic butter and some jam while at the supermarket. Bon appetit! Washed it down with some warm (no fridge here either) scotch with coke which I had to drink out of a small pringles container (no glasses here either). Hmmm... speaking of crap hotels, the taxi driver told me he rents a room near Denpasar for 300,000 rp (~AUD$32) a month which he considered expensive.

Day 8 - Wednesday 25th June 08 (Kuta/Legian)

~10am Have just been for a long jog on the beach and eaten a massive platter of fresh fruit. Am feeling a lot better than yesterday but might be shaking off this cold for a while.

Moving hotels yet again today. The taxi driver from the airport when I got here suggested the Simpang Inn which I checked out the other night while walking past. Rooms seemed very spacious and clean and also very cheap so will give it a go. It's only about 500m from Paddy's bar on the main strip but back from the road enough to be fairly quiet.

Later Spent the day doing nothing exciting and not worth mentioning. Had lunch here at the Simpang Inn where I'm staying. Read a copy of the West Australian. Sat near the pool & on the beach reading. Still shaking off this cold. Did an ET and phoned home just to say hi. Ate dinner twice, once because I was hungry and twice because I needed the internet.

Day 7 - Tuesday 24th June 08 (Kuta/Legian)

Early Ah crap, not again. Am I hungover because I drank too much or was I simply drinking something that doesn't agree with me? Who would have thought fruit juice could be so potent. Am also suffering from a bad cold which had been brewing for a couple of days, most likely due to the aircon at the Aston. Have coughed up litres of tasty, chunky fluro flem.

Later Lost pretty much a whole day in bed recovering. Bugger. I felt like a Veggie burger for dinner so I went on a hunt, pessimistically not expecting to find one as so far hadn't seen anything close on any menu. But success was had on about the 15th menu I browsed through. Nice vegetarian place which I may have to revisit.

Day 6 - Monday 23rd June 08 (Tanjung Benoa, Kuta)

Another incident in the middle of the night, this time scaring the willies out of me. Just as I dozed off after midnight, I awoke to hear someone breaking into the room. At first I thought they were coming in through the balcony and then when I put my head up, it sounded like the front door. I yelled out OI! but the scampering sound only continued. I turned on every light and went to the front door but could not see anyone or anything. So I looked up and realised someone or something big was in the airconditioning vents. What the? Maybe they had even opened the manhole in the bathroom or the grate near the front door and came down into the room? I'm not sure but after a bit more noise up there, it settled as if someone or something was lying still, rather than continuing to scamper away. My wallet, passport, phone, camera, laptop were all exposed and if someone was up there, they could have seen it all through the vents. I paced around inside and outside the room for a bit, considering my options... and then just chucked everything in the safe and went back to sleep. Meh, I was so tired that the boogie monster was welcome to come get me if he really wanted.

Was up at 5:30 this morning ready to Carpe Diem baby. After a big breaky consisting mainly of fruit and veggies I went for a long jog down to Nusa Dua and back. I've got just a week to get into decent shape as I'm registered in a 5km event on Sunday which is held along with the Bali International Triathalon in Jimbaran. After the longer than planned run, it was then a mad dash to have a shower and check out in time for the 11am shuttle back to Kuta. It was so hot and humid that even in an airconditioned room and after showering and drying myself, my post-jog body was still trying to cool itself down by sweating profusely 20 minutes later.

I jumped into one of the shuttle vehicles not realising you were supposed to book and perhaps pay for. I was only going one way so they let ride with them anyway, without my suffering too much embarrassment. I then made the mistake of walking from one end of Kuta (Tuban) to the other (Legian) with my backpack on and wearing jeans. The heat wasn't the problem. The problem was that this made it a safe assumption to the locals that I was fresh off the plane and an easy sales target. I got harassed all the way which started to really get to me. Some are friendly and can accept that you don't want to buy crap but some are just down right rude bastards.

Rudeness aside, every second Balinese guy pointed at the shoes I was carrying and said jokingly "They are they for me, yah?". I couldn't understand why but every ten metres I walked, someone else would ask about my freaking shoes. They could not get enough of them, they were all like whoa! or wow! or nice shoes! Thing is, they are just a pair of Dunlop joggers, $25 from Target. Imagine if I had a pair of K26ers? They would probably bow down & worship me as the new God of Bali.

Next minor drama was that the Sayang Maha Mertha Hotel (yes, the $8 a night one) had booked me in for next week, not this week. So after waiting at their bar for ages, they finally let me know that they have no rooms available for this week. Argh. So I've come back to the Vilarisi for a couple of nights, in the room next door to where I started last week. I'm already a bit over moving hotels constantly. At this stage, after tommorrow night, I've got 5 days without accommodation booked but next Monday I'm checking into the Sayang Maha Mertha for at least 3 weeks. One week in the el cheapo room and then 2 weeks in a decent room. I haven't stayed there yet but I spent a fair amount of time at the bar/restuarant and I like the place. Very young and social environment but not too shabby or backpackerish.

Bumped into the dude from high school while walking through the centre of Legian. Him and his mate had the same idea as me and want to try and have a night out without actually getting totally sloshed. It seems to be a hard task here, particularly when non-achoholic drinks seems to cost more than the potent ones. They are here for another 2 weeks which is cool, I might use them a bit to cure any lonliness I run into.

Day 5 - Sunday 22nd June 08 (Tanjung Benoa (Nusa Dua))

~10am Was awoken at 3:30am by my phone ringing. The number seemed to be an Indonesian mobile but I don't recall giving my new number out to anyone here so I didn't answer. They tried ringing again a few minutes later but I just put it on silent and went back to sleep. For now, that one will be a mystery.

Like a good little Balinese housewife, I have done my washing in the bath this morning. It appears that I can not wear a pair of jocks for more than an hour without them becoming smelly and sweaty... so perhaps I'll freesnake it for a while and hope Bali Belly doesn't end up running down my legs. To much info, I know, but I've been suffering from bad jockitch (I hope that's all it is anyway) for months and the sweaty fitted boxers certainly don't help. If only the powder room actually had some powder in it.

Meh. Have eaten breaky amougnst the stares of other patrons whos glares I noticed by staring at them. I read their minds collectively to hear 'Gee, look at that poor loner, eating here all on his ownsome. And why does he keep staring at us?'. I believe I have eaten for the day, nay, I have eaten for the week. As they say, "there is no such thing as a free lunch" but of course, breakfast is a different story.

~10pm Fairly windy all day here in Tanjung Benoa. The breeze was a constant strong westerly which didn't for make good tanning conditions at the beach or pool. Regardless of towels blowing everywhere, as with yesterday, it was hard to find a spare deck chair once the sun was blaring. I took it easy all day, reading, writing etc. My bahasa Indonesia is improving gradually but I need a lot more practice conversing.

Went for a wander down the road and found a nice little place for dinner. Another awesome romantic candle lit dinner for one. This time, I took a book to avoid just sitting there watching everyone else or twidling my thumbs inbetween courses. All good here so far, I'm going slightly mad already but I'm not homesick just yet. I have set a goal to set some goals for my time here.

Day 4 - Saturday 21st June 08 (Kuta, Tanjung Benoa)

~9am Whoa Mumma! Can someone please tell the spoom to stop rinning. Just a cheap, quiet night out in Bali and yet I still feel like I been hit by a truck. Hmmm, perhaps I was?

Last night started out with a hunt for a needle in a haystack. Turns out my vodka purchase was little more than heartburn in a bottle. I thought I was dying! So here I was, staggering through Legian, desperately trying to find some quickeze. Not one local had any idea what I was talking about but ever tourist sympathised and said, yah, you need quickeze. A couple of hours later, after ransacking every mini mart and chemist, I had given up... and of course, the pain had passed. I ended up getting some Mylanta which is the closest thing to quickeze I could find and presumably has numurous uses in Bali... particularly after eating Nasi Woof Goreng Teste which is fried rice with dogs balls.

After my huntathon, I managed to grab a seat at a bar and watch the end of the Dockers game while slamming back a couple of Bintangs. Then it was off to good old Paddys. By this time, my $3 bottle of vodka has taken surprising effect and I no longer knew which language I was trying to speak. I needed some Bintangs to sober me up. I recall jibbering to random Londonites and sampling some Arak (rice wine) before I spotted an old friend from high school who was doing an Akerz and spending his 30th birthday in Bali. The rest of the night was a bit blurry and I'm guessing uneventfull. At one point I spoke to a Javanese girl and asked if she could teach me Bahasa and she said US$500 for the night. Huh? Anyway, after finding my way home at about 4:30am, I'm now in recovery mode and looking forward to doubling my 2.5 stars for the weekend near Nusa Dua.

~Later Have checked into the Aston in Tanjung Benoa and am suitably impressed. A 5 star beach front hotel in Bali for about the same price as a slab of concrete at a caravan park in Karratha. It's not quite as good as the Weston down the road but still gets an Akerating of at least 4.5. My room was not available at 11am but after an hour or so of messing around on the laptop in their foyer, I was handed the key. Seems I had booked for 3 people, ending up with 2 beds and was told they would bring the other bed in later. I only planned on having one imaginary friend this weekend so told them not to bother.

Still hungover & sleep deprived, I could not for the life of me find the light switch for the bathroom. An hour later and close to sheepishly asking for asistance, I realised the button near the door which had a picture of a light and said powder room would do the trick. Could not find any powder in there but I ran myself a bath and then found I could not get the plug out. I was turning this, pushing that but nothing would make it pop up. I ended up jamming a teaspoon down there and wedging it out and well... my story is that it was already broken when I got here. It had rusted away underneath and instead of popping up, it came right out.

I'm not sure what was said last night but I think I may have been expected back in Kuta for a mate's Birthday Party at Paddys. Being, that I am now in Tanjung Benoa and still haven't slept or fully recovered, I gave it a miss. I grabbed some dvds and relaxed myself to sleep. Perhaps I should have HTFU and gone out, after all, I am here in Indonesia all on my own so how often am I going to be invited to parties?

Day 3 - Friday 20th June 08 (Kuta, Seminyak)

Wow, been here for more than 48 hours and have still not had one Bintang. My AA sponsor would be so proud of me... provided of course, that I not tell him I am drinking a glass of vodka while writing this. My first sip of alchohol since last Sunday.

Today I kinda worked... if you can call it that. Rather than sit by the pool on a deck chair with my computer on my lap, I kept to my cosy little office inside with music blaring. I believe I have done more work today than I have in months.

I went walkies north into Seminyak this afternoon to find the Bintang Supermarket (nothing to do with the beer). It was nothing to write home about although on the walk back, I did sms someone back in Perth and in a moment of lonliness, gave them my shopping list which included a loaf of bread, a bag of nuts, a packet of crackers, a bottle of orange juice, a bottle of grape juice and the piece de resistoince... a bottle of vodka. Nothing special except that the grand total was $9. Ah Bagus. I can not believe I was standing in eisles taking my time choosing items because I did not want to pay 6,500 for an item if a similar one was available for 5,600. Blimey captain, Akerz just saved himself 10 cents.

Day 2 - Thursday 19th June 08 (Kuta, Legian)

As you can imagine, I spent a fair amount of the day getting my bearings. A lot of walking around, picking up various essential items and politely refusing free wankywanks from random middle aged ladies on motorbikes.

I walked so much that my lead weighted thongs started to do some damage. It got so painfull that I stopped and found the closest place that sold thongs, which in Bali is rarely anymore than 10 metres. For $2, I found some featherweight ones but the only colour available in my size was pink... meh, I'm now the proud owner of comfy, bright pink thongs.

I discovered that the famous $8 a night hotel (including breaky) that I had told everyone about was almost right next door to the average hotel (Vilarisi) I am in. To be honest, it actually looks better than where I am ($30 a night). I managed to book a room there at the Sayang Maha Mertha for next week and although I didn't quite get it for $8 a night, it was still very cheap at about $10 a night. Not bad at all. I could perhaps do a days work every 3 months in order to cover my rent. Prior to booking, I just had to inspect one of their 'standard' rooms and fair enough, it's basically just a room with a bed plus an enclosed toilet cubicle which also acts as the shower (no hot water). To wash your hair, you simply grab some liquid soap and dive headfirst into the toilet bowl while flushing.

I shall not bore you with details of my walk along the beach at sunset or my Gado Gado with extra misquitos dinner.

Day 1 - Wednesday 18th June 08 (Perth, Kuta)

Salamat Datang!

I have safely crash landed back home in Bali. And when I say crash landed, I mean, crash landed. The plane plowed into the tarmac sending passengers everywhere their seatbelts would allow them. The plane echoed with screams of fright while the more intoxicated simply laughed and shouted such things as 'women and children off first'. Me, I was kind of indifferent but it was a real thud and as the plane braked, I watched the whole cabin shake as if it were just a plastic bag blowing in the wind. My first experience with Indojet and not the best, perhaps I should have gambled my life with Garuda instead. Scariest thing is that in 60 days I already have a flight booked back home on Indojet and it will quite possibly be the same plane (provided it is still in one piece by then).

Apart from ending with a bang, I guess the flight was fine... full house. Only one spare seat on the whole flight and you certainly won't hear me complain because it was right next to me. Besides the fact that I nearly died when we crash landed, my only queiry would be why an airline calling itself 'Indojet' would serve a meal containing Bacon and offer no choice to those who can't bear to swallow swine.

At Perth airport, I had a minor drama at customs and was already nervous travelling alone and hoping I had all the paperwork in order. The customs officer asked if I were travelling along as if it were a crime and then he said my Passport was invalid or rather, it would not validate on his machine. My first thought was 'Ah crap, because I'd left it at the Indonesian Consulate in Perth to get my extended Visa and they've stooged me by replacing it with a fake one!". I was rushed away to a different section and told to take a seat why they investigate. Thankfully, after about 6 seconds of investigating, my Passport was validated on a different machine and my travel plans were back on schedule.

Once at the Bali airport and safely through their customs, I avoided all the taxi drivers and started walking towards the exit gate. I realised after speaking with the 100th taxi driver there that they have some sort of price fixing Cartel happening (Richard Pratt style) and the price for a taxi to Legian is only negotiable to a point. Meh. $7 dollars later, I guess had saved myself a 10km walk.

I have checked into the Vilarisi Hotel in Kuta/Legian for 3 nights. It is average, at best, but will certainly suffice.

I did not plan to get a sim card the very moment I arrived but the taxi driver pointed out a place right near my hotel so I walked down to check it out. I could not believe how easy it was. You pay a few dollars, chuck the sim in and Bob's your Uncle... or in my case, he is my brother. Thanks to terrorist attacks (and bombs activated via cell phone), I read that you are supposed to register your mobile with authorities... but I'm not sure if that is the case, nor do I have any idea how it is done.

Day 1 in Bali and after a warm bath in solitude, I feel I have made the right decision. Ahhhh... Bagus. It's good to be home.

"Life is either a daring adventure... or nothing."
Helen Keller