60 Days in Bali, by Akerz

Summary: I am now back in Perth, the world's best city which just also happens to have the world's best people (the sun may rise in the east at least it settles in a finer location). No, of course I am not biased.

I got back early this morning and am now staying in an executive room at the Metro Hotel. They offered me my executive room on the top floor for free and I plan to have family and friends around tonight for pizza, drinks & laughs while we watch the sunset from the best room view available anywhere on the planet. They offered me the room without charge for several reasons but that was before my meeting with the Hotel Manager... I could soon be living here for free or very little.

My Bali trip was an amazing success, I achieved everything I wanted to plus a lot more. While there, I found two things I wasn't looking for which was real happiness (no girls involved btw) and I also found myself. I now know who I am and can now get on with my life and make it a truly daring adventure.

Within 12 hours of getting back to Perth, my life's purpose finally smacked me in head. It hit me so hard that I scribbled down over 100 ideas before having to sit down and shed a tear. It turns out that I was in fact put on this planet for a reason and with one simple idea, I can quite easily achieve everything I ever wanted.

I have always admired my Nan, Thora Rhodes. She is an amazing lady, she has very little money (pensioner) but is one of the most content person I know. Her life for at least the 30 years I have known her has been all about helping others, having a laugh, making people happy, helping those out in need & generally enjoying life without any stress. I have always wanted to be like her and after 30 years, I have finally somehow become who I wanted to be.

Carpe Diem Baby!

-Akerz

Days: 21 - current, 11 - 20 & 1 - 10.

Day 49 - Wednesday 6th August 08 (Kuta)

Day 48 - Tuesday 5th August 08 (Kuta)

OK. Another mad night last night, this time dressed as Chopper Read! According to my camera, I would have been back at the Simpang about 3:30am so it was an early night in comparison. I would have stayed longer but I was bit concerned for my safety as my Choppiness seriously offended some people. All of the Aussies & Kiwis etc were like "F@#$ Yeah! Chopper! How the F@#$ are ya!? Can I get a photo with you!" etc. I had more pseudo friends there than anyone else and would have been well backed up in a brawl but still, one Jam Jar to the back of the head could of sent me into the afterlife. Why were people offended and would want to smack my face in!? Imagine if:

• You are from say Germany or Holland (or Indonesia)
• You have never seen the movie "Chopper"
• You have no idea who Mark 'Chopper' Read is
• You have never seen Ronnie John's skit(s)
• You have never heard the expression "Harden the F@#$ up"
• You are trying to have a relaxing holiday on an island famous for terrorist attacks
• Some mad looking drunk prick comes out of know where, sticks a gun to your head, tells you to stop drinking juice and Harden the F@#$ Up!

Nobody could be 100% certain if I actually had any bullets so they resorted to throwing icecubes at my head while I couldn't see them. I don't know who it was or how many there were but the ice came from all directions while I was cough-dancing-cough in the birdcage and I copped quite a few to the head/face.

Was a bloody fun night apart from the 1% of ppl who seriously needed to Harden the F@#$ Up! Another hundred or so photos on my camera and about 60 of the best on facebook.

Day 47 - Monday 4th August 08 (Kuta)

Rather 'normal' placid day today. Got up at sunrise and went for a long jog on the beach. Did a bit of work... or rather, replied to clients telling them I'll be back in Perth next week.

At some stage I got the idea of not only getting a 'Harden the F@#$ up" t-shirt but to make it a crazy lot funnier by dressing up as Chopper. Spent a while getting guns, tattoo sleeves, black markers, bandaids & a pair of Ray Bans.

Day 46 - Sunday 3rd August 08 (Kuta)

I can't believe I keep having the biggest night of my life only to have it topped again every few days. Last night was mad, I very gayly went out topless wearing only the free apron we scored from the Balinese cooking lessons... then I managed to score a Chefs hat from one of the restaurants over the road from Paddy's to complete the look. Before Sis left, she tattoed me up with "nama saya AKERZ" (my name is AKERZ) on one arm, "FFS! NO, I AM NOT GAY!!!" on the other arm and on my back "IF FOUND, PLEASE RETURN TO THE SIMPANG INN". Everyone at Paddy's wanted photos with me and to buy me a beer & everyone kept asking me why I was dressed up and I swear I had a different answer each time:

• "I work here, are you hungry?"
• "I thought it was a dress up party"
• "I had to come straight from work"
• "Why not!?"
• "It's a tribute to my brother who is actually a chef"
• "Meh, just felt like cooking up a storm"
• "So I can add another 4 moves to my dance routine... the mixing bowl, pizza throw, knife chop & frying pan shake"
• "We did Balinese Cooking lessons and got given these aprons... wanted to wear it out since I got it but my Sis wouldn't let me... she's on the plane back to Melbourne right now"
• "I work here in the kitchen but sorry, all I have left is one sausage"
• "You can never have too much fun"
• "Everybody else comes out shirtless but I wanted to hide my hairy chest"

Anyway, ended up with a young German couple back at my hotel room until 8am. There is a 12 minute video on my camera of us having a pillow fight while listening to Rammstein and then for some reason of me trying in vain to smash my guitar over my own head. After about 10 unsuccessfull attempts to even put a dent in the guitar, the German dude had a go and put his fist through it! Haha, then we smashed it into 300 pieces, rock star style. It will now fit in my suitcase quiet nicely. Best 15 bucks worth of fun I've ever had.

Anyway it somehow got to 4pm and I was thinking "shit, it's time to start drinking again but not only am I still pissed but I haven't even been to bed yet!". So of course, I took the night off and went to bed early at about 9pm.

Day 45 - Saturday 2nd August 08 (Kuta)

Had yet another crazy night out, this time with Sis (her last night out). We wore our matching "Also Available in Sober" shirts. Hers was a bit to big so she made some alterations. We were stars at Paddy's, the British DJ (who I met in the dunny) even dedicated a song to "Kat & Akerz who are apparently also available in Sober". Kat ended up swimming fully clothed at the Bounty Hotel while I kicked on till sunrise with 3 random Perth girls.

Day 44 - Friday 1st August 08 (Kuta)

Ended up going out last night solo and having a crazy night. Got home this morning at 11:30am and knocked on Sis's door... she was like "what time did you get home last night?" and I was like "ummm... I just walked in now". hehehe.

Day 43 - Thursday 31st July 08 (Kuta)

Elephant Riding... White Water Rafting... Siesta... Vodka... Extra Joss.

~9pm I'm all Jossed up with nowhere to go. Kat has piked before we even went out. Hoping it's not her turn to get sick.

~10pm Kat has emerged from her como and taken my advice to get a massage for her back... and well, after 43 days in Bali, it was about time I got a massage as well.

Day 42 - Wednesday 30th July 08 (Kuta)

A-L-I-V-E.

Day 42 - Tuesday 29th July 08 (Kuta)

ON LIFE SUPPORT (WHISKEY).

Day 41 - Monday 28th July 08 (Kuta)

CLINICALLY DEAD.

Day 40 - Sunday 27th July 08 (Kuta)

D-Y-I-N-G.

Day 39 - Saturday 26th July 08 (Kuta)

S-I-C-K.

Day 38 - Friday 25th July 08 (Kuta)

S-I-C-K.

Day 37 - Thursday 24th July 08 (Kuta)

S-I-C-K.

Day 36 - Wednesday 23rd July 08 (Kuta)

S-I-C-K.

Day 35 - Tuesday 22nd July 08 (Kuta)

S-I-C-K. Indo Influenza.

Had dinner at Planet Hollywood which we thought was a bit overated. The menu was awesome and the meals were huge but we weren't impressed with the actual meals. My Veggie Burger was dry but not as dry as Sis's grilled chicken... a rubber chicken would have been easier to eat.

Day 34 - Monday 21st July 08 (Kuta)

Was feeling ok today so we wandered off to Waterbomb Park and spent the day there, mainly just relaxing and working on our tans. Afterwards, we went and found the Paradiso Bowling Centre (not the easiest place to find) and since games were only $1 each, we signed up for 5 games. What little energy we had left from Waterbomb was now officially all spent. Dinner at Pizza Hut again but I passed on the pizza...

Day 33 - Sunday 20th July 08 (Kuta)

~4am (21st) Am up rather early/late partly because I slept all day and partly because of the inconsiderate Germans next door who want to start another war with their freaking TV blaring at full volume all night (every night). We've deciphered that they have it on to help them sleep... perhaps to drown out all the coughing, farting, belching and nose snorting coming from my room. Even with kick arse ear plugs in, their TV is still loud enough to easily disturb everyone elses sleep.

We had planned to go to Water Bomb early this morning but when I woke up, I was really sick sick. Not just a hangover or blocked sinuses, this time I was really nautious, had really sore eyes as if both had been punched in, had a constant chill but was sweating profusely, was coughing up tasty fluro flem and each time I did, my head would throb violently. I went for a wander at 7am to try and find a pharmacy that was open... got stuck in the rain which I thought I could use as an alternative excuse to tell sis why Water Bomb wouldn't be a good idea today. Found some Indo Panadol and grabbed a few cartons of juice deciding I was gonna juice fast all day.

I was hoping for an amazing placebo effect with my Indo Panadol but obviously my faith wasn't that strong so I figured I'd lay down for a couple of hours while they kicked in. Had breaky (juice) downstairs with Sis and told her the bad news about Water Bomb being off... and well, I wasn't up for anything else either. I just really needed some rest. So while I spent all day watching DVDs and sleeping, she had a nice girly day out on her own shopping etc.

Come 5pm I was feeling a bit better and thought a jog might be in order. I knew it would either make me feel a lot better or a lot worse but in the end I felt great while jogging but afterwards I was no better or worse.

We went out for a nice dinner which was as romantic as a sibling dinner can get. We also got offered a honeymoon discount on white water rafting while walking around. We seriously need tattoos that say BRO & SIS... maybe on our foreheads.

Day over. I watched another DVD and fell asleep just after midnight... only to wake up an hour or so later and not be able to get back to sleep. So here I am updating my blog even though I can't upload it right now. I think I need to pay my internet bill but I haven't received one so that makes things difficult. I did get a txt message sent to the laptop from the internet provider here but it's all in Bahasa and even with my Indo dictionary, I couldn't translate it. Blah.

Day 32 - Saturday 19th July 08 (Kuta)

I don't think I slept too well last night after all those energy drinks. Eventually crawled out of bed about midday, feeling less than average but up for a feed. Had a huge veggie lasagne which just about put me to sleep. Well, actually it kinda did as I went straight into a siesta after that one. Pretty much only crawled out of bed again to go and get dinner. Sis wanted to try Pizza Hut since I'd heard through the grapevine that it's really good here... and it was! Huge selection of tasty foods and not just Pizzas. We walked all the way to the one at the Discovery Mall loosely planning to go bowling near there afterwards. That didn't eventuate, we just sat at Pizza Hut for hours discussing our lack of love lives. I wasn't feeling too crash hot... I had a constant chill and my eyes felt bruised and as if I needed a really good cry. Another uneventful day done with.

Day 31 - Friday 18th July 08 (Kuta)

Today was pretty cool. This morning when I hired a scooter, I thought ah crap, we might have some stories to tell tonight! The Bali Gods must have been watching over us as we somehow managed to survive a whole day hooning around the south end of the island with not even a minor incident to report.

Kat (Sis) wanted a massage late morning so I thought while she's getting worked on, perhaps I can spend an hour trying to learn how to ride a scooter. Sure, it's easy you say... but imagine if you've never ridden one before (or at least not for 15 years) and you're in a foreign country where the only road rule is: There is no rules!

An hour wasn't really near enough time to learn how to operate a machine where both the accelerator and the brake are somehow controlled using the same hand with a couple of fingers for going and the other couple for stopping. I got a lot of weird stares from locals as if I was doing something drastically wrong, apart from going only 15kms an hour. Perhaps I had an indicator on or...? No idea. Regardless, with only an hours worth of self-tuition, we were off straight into Bali's famous "Rafferty's Rules" traffic.

I was headed for Uluwatu but had no idea which road to take. We had no map but I knew it was south and could sort of use my sense of direction to head in the right course. The sign at the airport said 8.6km to Uluwatu but after scooting along for what seemed like 100kms (in the right direction!) and with a developing sore arse, we stopped at Dreamland to check it out and have lunch.

We then managed to find Uluwatu but it was just the temple and neither of us could be bothered having a look. On exit, I noticed a sign "Uluwatu Surfing Beach - 2km". Ah huh! That's what we wanted, although of course, we don't surf. Uluwatu was pretty scenic and after a month in Bali, it was definitely about time that I had a swim in the ocean. We hung around there for a while but had to leave to get the bike back in time... which we somehow managed to do without a minute to spare.

Pretty much straight off the bike and straight down the beach with the Bintang bucket for another lot of sunset drinks & snacks. Once the sun had vanished, I spun around on my towel and waited for the full moon to rise in the other direction.

For dinner we went to one of Bali's institutions. TJ's Mexican Restaurant! That was pretty cool, plenty of atmosphere there and the food was really good. We then thought we'd pop into good old Paddys for a drink, undecided whether we were 'going hard or going home'. At some stage I think my going home idea turned into going hard but no matter how much I drank, my stomach which was jammed packed with spicy mexican food just wanted to head on home. We met three young Perth girls who insisted that we dance with them. Sorry Sis but I think bad dancing must run in the family... or perhaps it was all just relative because the girls were really good and seemed to have a pre-prepared dance routine for every bloody song. Meanwhile, I was just tapping my feet and nodding my head wishing I wasn't full of Enchiladas while Sis was rather weirdly doing the lawnmower & the sprinkler. All good fun.

At about midnight, Sis wanted to head on 'home' so we said goodbye to our new cough-friends and wandered back to the Sayang. On the way back to the hotel, I think my 350 energy drinks started to kick in so I decided I'd have a shower and head back out on my own. That wasn't my best idea. You know how some guys get really agro when they drink? Well that definitely isn't me but this time, yeah, I was feeling a bit of pent up anger for some reason. I went to a few different places before finally deciding that every face I know will be at the Ocean Beach Club for the Full Moon Carnival.

Sure enough, the OBC was packed to the rafters. I saw the big sign out the front advising of the 50k cover charge so I thought meh, it included a Bintang so what the hell. I took out 50k from my wallet and had it in my hand waving around when the bouncer at the door grabbed me by the shoulders and yelled "It's 50,000 to get in!". I was like umm... yeah, not wearing your glasses tonight? So anyway, I got my drink coupon and went to the bar only to be ignored for 20 minutes until I took out 3,000,000 from my wallet and waved it at them. I then get told that there is no Bintangs left! FFS! I walked around for a bit but it was shoulder to shoulder in there and I was feeling a bit agitated so I left... via the bouncer and tried to get my money back. I thought it was a bit freaking rude to be given a coupon for a free (50k) beer only to be told there was none left. Monkeyboy thought differently so I told him what I thought and stormed out.

On the walk home, every motorbike that pulled up next to me trying to sell drugs, arse or transport were all potential akerpunching bags given the state I was in. Seriously, what part of NO don't these peddlers understand? Meh, a good day and an average night over.

Day 30 - Thursday 17th July 08 (Kuta)

~Midnight Well... today was exciting. Started at about 9am with a quick mouth load of vomit coming up... which was then following by a powerchuck half an hour later... which was then following by another powerchuck at 1pm. Both Sis & I spent the whole day recovering, not even moving from the hotel. Breakfast wasn't easily stomached, lunch was skipped and even by 6pm it was hard to keep our dinner down. I thought I'd been unwell before but day 30 takes the cake.

Obviously, yes, we had a bit of a night out. We started off down the beach at sunset with my now kuta-famous bucket full of ice-cold drinks and snacks. Then we had a family feed down at Bali Corner where our BYO $2 bottle of vodka disappeared. Was then off to good old Paddys where we had a drink and then moved next door to Bounty... meh. We played pool, met a lot of randoms and drank a lot of different drinks. Also bumped into my mate who wanted to beat my head in the other night. He was ok this time and his girlfriend was apologetic. He even gave me his phone number and email address... so I can email him some of the 3 million photos I took the other night. We were home by about 4am... I think.

Day 29 - Wednesday 16th July 08 (Kuta)

After breaky, we went for a tour/wander through Legian/Kuta/Tuban and then ended up at the OBC for a juice, sticking around there for lunch as well. We both got a bit cooked sitting there in the sun for a few hours. With mild sunstroke, we both took a siesta before venturing out later for sunset. Hmmm... might sound extremely boring but it was a nice day.

Since I have not much else to say, here is my Bali Akerfact for the day:

Balinese Visitors - The nips actually outnumber the skips by 40% as far as visitor levels go. For the first 5 months of 08, the Japs were here in numbers of 141,000 while the Aussies were just a fraction over 100,000. You see a lot more Aussies out and about in Kuta for two reasons, firstly because the Japs often go to another part of the island and secondly because the Japs on average stay less than 3 days while the Aussies stay more than 10 days. Combined, the Taiwanese and South Koreans also outnumber the Aussies but where they go, I'm not sure? Perhaps they just blend in with the Balinese and so I haven't noticed them.

Day 28 - Tuesday 15th July 08 (Kuta)

~3:30pm Howdy. Just procrastinating from doing more work & thought I'd share an interesting Bali fact that I've learnt since being here... besides the fact that mosquito spray doesn't make good aftershave (ouch).

Balinese Naming System - For those that have been here, you may have noticed that every 2nd Balinese person you meet is named Wayan or Made. Traditionally, the Balinese name their children in simple order of birth & according to their class/caste (although more than 90% are Sudra class which is the lower class 'rice growers'). For the Sudra, it is generally Wayan for the first born, Made for second, Nyoman for third and Ketut for fourth. Gender does not come into play, these names are unisex. If there is a 5th child, and often there is, he or she is named Wayan again or in some cases they are named Gede which is my favourite (pronounced G'day!).

My sister's plane leaves Melbourne in about an hour & I'll be picking her up later tonight in true Bali style... Horse & Cart!

~4:30pm Just adding a few photos from the last ~10 days.

~Later Bummed around for most of the afternoon basically just looking forward to picking sis up from the airport. As planned, I found a Horse & Cart and got him to take me to the airport. Arrived there basically just as her plane touched down but she was stuck in customs for over an hour & by that time, my horse had been kicked out of the airport by security! 'Regulations' apparently... although we were let in through the gate in the first place. So basically my chariot just had to wait outside the Airport gate which wasn't that far to walk so all good. Trotted back to the hotel, checked Sis into her room and sat up for a while chatting away.

Day 27 - Monday 14th July 08 (Kuta)

A relaxing day of recovery today after last nights effort. Met a lot of random people, made some friends... or at least I thought I did until one of them snapped and decided he suddenly wanted to beat my head in. I said to him "Yeah, yeah, no worries, I totally understand, fair enough" but I actually had no idea what the hell his problem was. Anyway, that was the end of my night and according to the time stamps on my camera, it was 4am.

The night started off at Sunset down the beach sinking ice cold Bintangs. Met 5 random Javanese guys who came up to me unexpectedly and insisted on getting photos with me. I did not for the life of me understand why the hell they wanted photos with me but let them anyway... while closely holding onto my room key and camera. Those few beers put me in a good mood and I thought, hmmm yeah, I could go out tonight.

Had a few vodkas with Extra Joss (Red Bull but better) and headed down to the hotel bar where I socialised with a pommy dude who was trotting all over the globe. Nearly convinced him to come to Paddys with me but he knew that road led to coming home blind drunk at 4am and spending a whole day recovering. Smart man.

Chatted away to some business man from Norway (yes, another Norwegian) at Paddys bar. Strange thing. I'm pretty certain from what he told me that he came to Bali to get liposuction surgery. Back home in Norway it's apparently an extremely expensive procedure but here in Bali it's extremely cheap. He showed me some recent photos of himself on his camera phone before the operation. He was HUGE! He's still a big guy but after the liposuction he said he was 52kgs lighter. I'll make a mental note of Bali-Lipo, just in case my Bintang Belly gets too large.

The rest of the night was spent dancing around and chatting away to a young couple from Perth and their random tag alongs. Was all photos, fun and games until somebody blew a mental fuse. And that was it, another crazy night over.

I didn't do much of interest today. Went through another avocado only to find a grub in the second half of it. Hopefully there was none in the first half... I did notice a few unexpected crunchy bits in my sandwich.

Went for a long wander down the beach at sunset and hopefully burnt off a Bintang or two. While out I grabbed my 3rd tin of medicated talcum powder. My Jelena Dokic keeps coming and going but it was pretty itchy today for some reason. Too much information?

Day 26 - Sunday 13th July 08 (Kuta)

~5pm Sad to say, it's been another uneventful day. I seem to be just bumming around waiting until my sister gets here (two days to go!). As an excuse, I am still sick so perhaps getting rest is best. My nose has been running like a tap and I'm sneezing and coughing like a mad man. I can't believe I have still not shaken off this flu/cold. Argh!

When I said yesterday I was taking my 'little' esky to the beach, I didn't think for a moment that it was so little that I wouldn't even be able to fit my Bintangs in it! I mean what is the purpose of people selling esky buckets if it won't even fit Bintangs in? I could fit two small stubbies in sideways and still be able to put the lid on but that was it. So anyway, I still did the deed and sat at the beach for a while and watched the sunset. Afterwards, I went for a stroll through Kuta (bucket still in hand) and heard the expression "One for me, yeah?" about 250 million times. Ummm... yes anyway, the point I was getting to was that today, I yet again went for a stroll north to the Bintang Supermarket and bought another esky bucket, twice the size this time, just to be sure.

It's rather overcast today but I'm gonna go pull a huge bucket down the beach (no drugs involved).

On another boring note, I think I might open a shop here selling beach chairs. Who would of thought out of the 586 million shops lined along the beach here that not one of them would sell freaking beach chairs. Looks like the sandman will be entering again tonight.

Day 25 - Saturday 12th July 08 (Kuta)

~5pm Another uneventful day... well so far at least. Last night was interesting. At about 4am, I found myself with my ear to the wall listening to some crazy, crazy, CRAZY bed-rocking lesbian action in the room next door. Might have been a turn on but I've yet to put a face to the screams so who knows what they look like.

I slept in till about 10:30am which was quite impressive. Woke up to total silence but must have had my earplugs in just the right spot because as soon as I pulled one out, the world came to life with kids playing, motorbikes hooning and even a not too distant jack hammer working away. I'm still coughing like a crazy man with the odd bit of flem still making an appearance. My poor old immune system isn't what it used to be.

I managed to get a decent amount of 'work' done today with the tunes cranked before wandering down to the Bintang Supermarket (yes, again). Made a lot more random purchases to the point where I think I may now have more material possessions here in Bali than I do in Perth. I've slowly been compiling a little 'Welcome to Bali' bag for my sister but I think I may be going a bit overboard... I went to move it to another part of the room and it just about fell apart because there is so much crap jammed in.

To continue with my weirdo theme, I'm perhaps the only tourist (cough) in Bali who on occasion makes his own food. Just made myself an awesome sandwich with tuna (in spicy coconut gravy), cheese & avocado on fresh bread (made with sweet potatoes) & smothered with garlic butter. I kinda miss proper cooking though. I've finally worked out the avocados here... I kept buying soft ones only to find out later that they aren't even nearly ripe. The ripe ones feel really mushy rather than just the normal softness we're used to in Australia. And wow, isn't that interesting. Thanks for that Akerz.

It's a tough life here. Might go fill my little esky bucket up with bintangs & ice and head down the beach to read and watch the sunset. Since it's Saturday, I was gonna reward my work efforts with a night out but not sure, I might take it easy since I'm still not 100%... and after all, every day is Saturday in Bali.

Day 24 - Friday 11th July 08 (Kuta)

Nothing to report other than my akerfact for the day: Although alcohol seems like a stimulant, it's actually a mood altering depressant. It slows down the activity of the central nervous system and the after effects often includes the reduction of the serotonin levels in the brain.

It's good to have a down day once in a while.

Day 23 - Thursday 10th July 08 (Kuta)

I slept most of the day so I don't have much to say for myself. Went out drinking again last night (was due). Found out that riding on the back of a scooter is actually quite daunting when you are sober... coming back inebriated on the other hand, it just seems like fun.

I popped into Paddys last night to get the best $2 wedges around but they had some special meal thing on and weren't doing their usual menu. I chatted to some random dude from Auckland who lives in South Africa... and learnt that Jiggy Jig comes straight from Swahili and basically means 'to bang' (in the sexual sense of course). The Indonesians in a way don't seem to really have their own language, as Bahasa Indonesia (the national language) has a lot of the words stolen from Arabic, Sanskrit, Tamil, Chinese & English etc. By the way, with 250 million people in Indonesia and almost all speaking Bahasa, it's one of the most spoken languages in the world. For my money, it's also one of the coolest with basically the best words from other languages thrown in. Jiggy Jig! I'd say it's one of the easier languages as well because there isn't 50 words to describe one thing like there is in English.

Spoke to some dudes from Quebec and asked them if they'd seen my friends... then I said they look like this and showed them a photo of two dogs humping on the beach. Besides that poor moment of akerhumour, the rest of the night was spent dancing very badly on podiums with randoms... I think. I'm looking forward to busting out a tune on stage at Bountys once my voice box is 100%. I'm gonna have to study their songlist, choose something and then spend a day or two practising before getting up there.

Bumped into the girl from next door in the corridor and apologised for my coughing. She was like "oh, was that you?". I think she was a bit embarrassed that they'd been making fun of me now that she knows I'm a coughhot-aussie-guycough. hehe, Karma is a wonderful thing. Guess what she was doing an hour later? Coughing her ring up! Hahahaha.

I continued my obsession with Norwegian Fish Burgers and went and swallowed one for lunch. Chatted to random skips at the bar there who were asking why I wear a face mask. I need to find a better answer perhaps but I told them I'm a bit over smoking a truck load of garbage for breakfast each morning. One of them let me know that I was wearing mine upside down and that the little metal strip is supposed to mold to your nose. Ah! That makes so much more sense. They said they saw a dude the other day wearing a full respirator! Kudos to him. I want one!

AkerZzzzZzzzzZZzzzzzzz...

Day 22 - Wednesday 9th July 08 (Kuta)

Well that was a prick of a day to say the least. Personal dramas aside, it wasn't all bad.

Last night was interesting. After another cheeky mossie bit me on my right eyelid and on the cheek, I found myself wide awake when my neighbours came home after 3am. Earlier on, yesterday afternoon, I could hear the two of them as clear as day as he was having a shower at the same time as me. As I was spraying my nether region with cold water I was like "whoa mumma, that's fresh" and she called out "are you alright in there" and he was like "umm... that wasn't me" which was when I tried to spark up a conversation with them talking about the thin walls. They don't like me too much for some reason. Anyway, last night as they got home he was talking about how he likes to tie girls up using ribbons and also likes to be tied up himself. The converstation went on and on and on. I struggled not to laugh but let a few coughs out which I couldn't hold back. They were making fun of my coughing so I took it up a level and farted as loud as I could without following through. The walls (roof) are so thin that I could hear them laughing UNDER their breaths. Meh. After a while I put my ear plugs in and zonked out.

I clocked in a few hours on the laptop this morning but it seems the internet is a bit like me, it only works now and then when it wants to. I'll go as far as to say that it's even worse than Telstra Bigpond.

I went shopping again today for random items. Had another Balinese crack onto me in Mad Harrys (Mataharies). It was cute for a while as they danced around the top floor with me finding various items but it got awkward after a while. After all, this partifular Balinese person was a guy and I consider myself somewhat as a manly straight Aussie guy. He gets the honour of being the first openenly (very openly, you know the type) gay Balinese dude I have met. Lost count how many times he tried to bait me by asking about my girlfriend. Perhaps if I gave him a straight answer, he would have left me alone. Anyway, after telling him that Australia does indeed have four seasons, I left with 2 kettles, 2 pillows and 2 pillowcases. That was quite a load. I think on the walk back to the hotel I wiped out a few salespeople... they'd be like "Hallo, Massage" or "Billabong Singlet, very cheap" and I'd pretend to look the other way while swinging my santa sack full of pillows right into them.

So anyway, can't say I did much else today. I bought a G string this afternoon and to go with it, I also bought an A string, two Es, a D and a B. Pretty awesome little hand made guitar for about $15. Had a little jam with myself back at the studio only to hear from next door in the most annoying english accent ever "Oh great, he's got a guitar now."

Day 21 - Tuesday 8th July 08 (Kuta)

~10am So much for my DVD & 12 hours sleep. Lights were off, DVD was just starting and I got something in my freaking eye! I couldn't for the life of me get it out, at first I thought it was a mossie but surely that would have been large enough to see. I couldn't watch the DVD because of it and I certainly couldn't sleep because of it. Someone told me about the carnivorous (flesh eating) mites in Bali that live in the bamboo and I thought perhaps it was one of those as the ceiling here is bamboo. Even if I could sleep, I thought I'd maybe wake up with only half an eye left. After three hours, I wanted my mommy and was about to leave and go see a quack when I gave it one last shot. I think I pulled my top eyelid down so far that it was over my chin... and I got it! Whatever it was. My eye still hurt like crap and was blood red but whatever it was had been evicted. I did get some decent sleep after that. The walls seem to be paper thin but this room is a lot more quiet than the previous.

I just went down and had my first free breakfast since being here over a week. Wasn't too bad, I was expecting a piece of toast and a cup of mud but I got that plus more. Enough chit chat, I gotta carpe diem baby.

~8pm Have had an awesome day. Not because I've done anything special but I'm finally feeling ok after two weeks of feeling like crap. It's good to be alive and in Bali right now. I put my stupid face mask on and wandered down to Bali Corner to setup office and get a few things done over lunch. Later I wandered back the other direction to the Bintang Supermarket (again) and bought a whole lot of random stuff including an esky bucket thing which is gonna be cool to take down the beach at sunset full of ice cold Bintangs. Went for a marathon jog along the beach at sunset which felt good. Had a conversation with my neighbours... haven't actually met them yet but the walls (or roof really) aren't sound proof at all so I was having a chat to them. That's probably me done for the day. It is soooo tempting just to have a drink and go down to Paddys or somewhere but I'll show some restraint and discipline. Will watch the DVD I didn't get to last night.